Mud
by DemonSurfer
Summary: There were certain things to remember when engaging the enemy in a desert. Especially if it's raining.


**A/N:** Aha... I have no idea where this came from really. It was raining kinda hard yesterday morning, and I wanted to attempt writing some interfaction interaction. This was _supposed_ to be sort of friendship, and maybe a practice at some pre-romance between these too, but Kicker decided to ruin it by acting like a Decepticon. Oh well.

As this is a one-shot, I'd like to thank in advance everyone that reads, reviews, and favorites this story.

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**Mud, or Making a Bug Cry: The Adventure**

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Kickback hated the rain.

There weren't enough words to describe how much he did not like rain. Living in a swamp for a few decades had probably colored his opinion of the atmospheric phenomenon a bit, but it was so _icky_. It was cold and wet and got _everywhere_, seeping into transformation seams and under armor and made annoying pattering sounds on plating that messed with his sensors. Rain made almost all sentient organics hide, and when one relied on organic matter rather than Energon as a source of energy, it tended to cause problems.

Worst of all, rain made mud.

The Insecticon glared at said mud from his perch on a rock at a shallow spot in a canyon, wings hiked up as far as possible in displeasure. Megatron had ordered him to stand guard outside the temporary base (really, it was just an open space further into the canyon with a few consoles and a makeshift shelter in it) while he discussed _plans_ with Bombshell. Shrapnel was there too, claiming that being the unofficial leader gave him the right to hear the plans, plans.

Which left Kickback standing out in the rain.

Surrounded by mud.

He growled lowly to himself as the rain began beating down harder, nearly white sheets that fouled his sensors and caused the thin mud to splash up around his rock. The wind was starting to pick up as well, tugging on his raised wings and antennae, and he felt the rumble of distant thunder. His armor closed tight to his frame in an attempt to keep some of the water out of his internals. At least he wasn't a Conehead, being forced to actually _fly around_ in this slag for their patrols.

_Why_ was it raining? He could understand a downpour like this cropping up over the swamp. It happened with depressing regularity, adding to the ever-present humidity that rusted an open wound within joors. But this was a desert! They were pretty much famous for being hard dry dead patches of-

Something moved.

Immediately he focused on the area, sensors straining to peer through the downpour and pinpoint the movement. His blaster was already in his hand, warmed up and waiting for use. He wasn't too worried about being seen in the gloom; the advantages of a dark Decepticon paintjob over that of a gaudy Autobot's. For several long moments nothing moved, and Kickback began to think that it might have been just a sensory ghost. He felt the crawl of static over his plating just before lightning flashed in the sky, a large bolt that illuminated the area.

There was an Autobot in vehicle mode not thirty meters away.

In the sudden darkness left in the lightning bolt's wake, several things happened at once. Kickback raised his weapon, aiming in the Autobot's direction. There was a snarl of an engine coming to life as two round lights appeared, smeared by the rain still sheeting down. Headlamps, some small part of Kickback's processor supplied, and he smirked as he adjusted his aim. The light conveniently illuminated exactly where the 'Bot's front end was, giving him a clear target.

A clear target that was rapidly approaching at 'oh shit' miles an hour.

Instinctively the Insecticon jumped, powerful legs allowing him to clear the Autobot easily before he was run down, and he heard the yell of pain and crunch of metal as the bot collided with the rock. Grinning, he fired downwards, and was rewarded with another yell as his shots connected. He landed some distance away, mud splashing all the way up to his hip joints and nearly causing him to slip and fall. His wings vibrated in disgust as the organic matter seeped into the seams of his pedes. Distracted, he almost missed the sound of rapidly approaching footsteps.

It was a lot harder to miss the fist that crashed into his faceplates. With a yelp he was knocked to the ground, even more mud coating him and oozing into places it shouldn't be. In retaliation he struck out with a foot, catching the Autobot in the leg and toppling him over as well. The crack of metal as something in the 'Bot's leg broke was extraordinarily satisfying, and the splash the larger mech made in the thin muck was even better. The Decepticon quickly scrambled to his feet, weapon already aimed at the gaudy mech's head. Oh look. He even had a bright yellow chevron to clearly mark the best place to shoot.

"This isn't your day, Autoscum," he sneered. The Autobot glared up at him, doorwings splayed and half submerged in the muck that wasn't doing anything to conceal his garish red and blue paint job. His left leg was bent at an odd angle, and an occasional spark flew from the knee joint. Internally Kickback preened. It wasn't very often he took down a 'Bot all by himself. Keeping the blaster trained on the mech's helm he opened a comm. channel.

::Shrapnel. I've captured an Autobot.::

There was no response. The Insecticon frowned, kicking his captive lightly when he wiggled in either an attempt to pull out his weapon or just escape the mud. Too bad Autobot. If Kickback had to suffer with ooze and debris seeping under his armor, then so did the 'Bot. There was another bright flash of lightning, followed almost immediately by its accompanying thunder. This time it was loud enough that Kickback felt it, rumbling through the ground and across his wings. The storm was getting worse. He tried the comm. again.

::Shrapnel! Do you read me? Answer me!::

Static popped and crackled across the line, but this time there was someone on the other end.

::Kick... get... rain...::

::What?::

Some small part of him noticed that the last peal of thunder had been going on for several seconds too long now, a low growl that he was feeling more through the ground than through the air. The Autobot seemed have noticed it as well, as he had gone completely still and was looking around in confusion. Lightning flashed through the sky again.

He started as the Autobot at his feet suddenly shot upright, staring further into the canyon with his doorwings pricked forward, as if to help him see through the pouring rain better than the illumination still cast by his headlights. Kickback frowned and kicked him lightly in the side again for moving. The 'Bot ignored him, and Kickback found himself angling his own wings in a way that would help them pick up sound waves. The growl he had been feeling/hearing for nearly a minute had been steadily building. It sounded more like a distant roar now, and it was getting louder.

A recent memory file that had been nagging at the back of his mind was suddenly pulled to the forefront of his processor. Starscream had been briefing the Insecticons on a mission they were supposed to run in an arid region. Kickback hadn't paid too much attention at the time as Starscream was annoying and he had been _hungry_ (part of the mission had been to consume everything in their path, so the Insecticons had been denied any of Megatron's Energon), but there was something he had said that was now niggling at him. Something the seeker has stressed as being _very important _if in the highly unlikely chance it began raining while they were on the ground.

Something involving _flooding_.

"Aw, slag."

A dark brown wall of sheer pants-shitting terror roared into view. Neither robot had time to react as the flood slammed into them, sweeping them up into its rough embrace, jostling them around with the branches and stones and Decepticon equipment it had already picked up higher in the canyon. It was an unstoppable force, destined to rush through the canyon and decimate anything in its path.

Kickback spluttered and fought his way to the surface, vents sealed tight to prevent any of the gritty sludge from getting into his ventilation system. His wings were folded down as much as possible to minimize the chance of one being damaged in the torrent, and he wished he could fold the rest of himself down as well as bits of debris clanked and cracked into his plating. All he could do was try and avoid the largest pieces while also remaining near the surface, as unfortunately metal did not float very well and he was so not interested in being dragged along the bottom. The water itself couldn't hurt a Cybertronian much, but the obstacles in the water and the speed at which they were moving posed a serious threat.

He heard a pained screech from nearby, and turned just in time to see the Autobot go under the murky black wave. A large piece of tree, probably whatever struck the Autobot, whirled around in the water before smacking Kickback full on in the face. The Insecticon squawked, flailing to get away from the offending piece of refuse and nearly submerging again. His visor flickered, the right side covered in spiderweb cracks, and he just _knew _his faceplate was dented.

Something snagged his pede and _pulled_, and this time he did sink.

His immediate, and understandable, reaction was to flail blindly at whatever was pulling him under. His free foot impacted whatever it was, momentarily loosening its grip. One of his wings caught on the edge of the canyon and he shrieked, forgetting that he was _under the fragging water _until said muddy liquid flooded his intake. He couldn't see, the water was too dark, things kept striking at his already sore plating, and he could feel whatever it was on his pede crawling up his body as if it were a ladder to freedom.

And then his helm was breaking through the surface of the water. He didn't have time to clear his intake of the muddy silt clogging it before his head was shoved under again, a hand resting on his shoulder and pushing down. He twisted, succeeding in escaping the hand's grasp for a moment before it reattached around his arm instead. He sputtered angrily, glaring at the Autobot currently latched onto his limbs like a frightened turbocat.

"You- _get off of me!_ You're going to drag us-" Another wave swept over them, and both mechs coughed up the liquid muck. "See?"

The Autobot matched his glare, icy blue optics the only thing with any real color left on his frame. "If you hadn't broken my knee joint I wouldn't have to use you as a flotation device!"

"You're twice my size and three times my weight!" Kickback practically yelled, trying again to dislodge the mech. This time his grip held firm, and the Insecticon snarled at him. "I'm warning you, Autobot-"

"It's Smokescreen. If you're going to yell at me at least use my designation." Kickback's optics narrowed, but any comment he was going to make was driven out of him by the force of slamming into the canyon wall. Both mechs cried out, the Autobot quite a bit louder as his back and doorwings took the brunt of the hit. One of the wings was already half-torn from its hinges, and the current tugged at it mercilessly.

Kickback snarled as they spun away from the rocks, barely missing being whacked into a metal console. This was ridiculous! He was going to be smashed to pieces long before the flood ran its course, and he doubted the other Insecticons would bother putting him back together again.

"Hey 'Con, think you can buzz us out of here?" Oh. He'd almost forgotten about the Autobot still clinging to him, blunt fingertips pressing dents into the metal of his arm. It was going to be a pain popping those dents out later.

"Not with your fat aft weighing me down," he snapped, teeth bared. The Autobot's weight was just one more thing the Insecticon had to fight against, adding to the strain of keeping himself afloat and not lodged into anything solid. He was beginning to run low on energy, and as much as he hated to admit it, anti gravs were not an option anymore. Even without the two tons of metal waste trying to drag him under.

Lightning blazed across the sky, brighter and longer lasting than any flash he had noticed so far. The sudden light was disorienting, not to mention the thunder that followed at its heels (Thundercracker would have been shamed), but it did give Kickback a brief glimpse of the canyon around them. What he noticed was a scraggly pathetic organic tree stubbornly hanging onto the cliff face not too far downstream. Without giving himself time to consider the consequences, he reached out with his free arm and snagged the vegetation, claws digging deeply into its bark.

And immediately _screamed_ as said arm was nearly ripped from its socket. Now that he had stopped moving the full force of the water was tearing at him, trying its hardest to yank him away from the cliff face or away from his limb, whichever came first. He could feel the mechanisms around his shoulder joint straining, and there was the sickening sensation of wires popping and metal shearing. The tree itself gave an ominous sort of creak, the kind of noise expected from a piece of slightly alive wood trying to tell the giant metal grasshopper to _let the frag go_.

It occurred to Kickback at that moment that he didn't really have a plan beyond this point.

The dead weight still clinging to his other arm shifted, using him for a ladder again as the 'Bot climbed towards the tree. One of his hands tried to grab the trunk as well, but his blunt Autobot fingers slipped off of the slippery bark and his grip on Kickback was almost dislodged. Kickback would have laughed at him if the sudden jerk hadn't jarred his already stressed shoulder, and he resisted the urge to lean over and bite the mech's chevron off. Over the roar of the water and the seemingly ceaseless thunder he heard the bot mutter something that was probably obscene.

"Insecticreep." Oh holy shit when did the 'Bot get so close to his audio. "I've got a grappling hook with me. I can throw up a line if you just hang onto this tree for a bit longer."

"Yes, because I was _obviously_ thinking of letting go," he snarled in response, ignoring the Autobot's glare. "Just hurry it up!"

The Autobot looked as though he might say something for a moment, then merely nodded and began fishing around wherever for the supposed grappling hook. Kickback grit his teeth as the 'Bot's movement sent bolts of agony through his arm, and the tree gave another ominous creak. Out of the corner of his cracked visor he saw the mech raise the hook, twirling a few times before releasing it. The metal hook gleamed in the dim light filtering through the thick cloud cover as it arced high into the air.

And fell right back down into the water thirty meters upstream.

The Insecticon could not help laughing, something that he quickly regretted when silt and muck took the opportunity to invade his open mouth. He regretted it even more when the hook smacked into his faceplates, further cracking his already damaged visor and adding to the dents. As he spluttered and swore he could hear the Autobot hanging across his back chuckle, and he entertained the thought of diving under the water to wash him off like a stubborn parasite.

The Autobot tried a second time. And a third. His fourth attempt was fouled by a sudden wave that slammed both mechs into the rocky wall beside them and nearly dislodged the poor strained tree from its hard-won perch. It also nearly dislodged Kickback's arm from its socket, and the Insecticon could feel the filthy murky water invading a few minor energon lines that had ruptured. It was just his luck to be trapped in a flash flood and relying on an Autobot with the aim of Skywarp and the arm strength of a human.

He couldn't hear the hook when it finally managed to catch on the cliff face, but he definitely heard the Autobot's whoop of victory as he tugged on the line to make sure it was secure. The hand gripping his arm into slag finally let go as the 'Bot transferred his grip to the cable and began the laborious process of pulling himself out of the water. Kickback took a moment to flex his previously occupied arm, then twisted around and sank his claws firmly into the mech's waist.

Kickback ignored the Autobot's flailing (though his yell of protest was a beautiful thing to hear), focusing on dislodging his near-useless right arm from the poor tree and securing it around the 'Bot's waist as well. Only then did he bother listening to what the mech was blathering about.

"What do you think you're doing? Get _off_!" The Autobot squirmed some more, only encouraging Kickback to tighten his grip further. Not that he needed much encouragement to damage an Autobot.

"You used me as a float! It's only fair that I use you as an elevator!" he shouted back. The Autobot kicked a few more times, then growled out something and began pulling them out.

It turned out that having the arm strength of a human meant that it took a really, really long time to climb out of a canyon. Kickback was scraped and scratched and dented and bruised long before the 'Bot had dragged them even halfway to the top. There were several times when the wind, intensified by the canyon's shape, had twirled and dashed them against the cliff wall, and the Insecticon found himself praying to Primus that the grappling hook wouldn't suddenly disengage from the cliff and dump them back into the flood. Once the Autobot's hands had slipped on the wet cable, and there were a spark-stopping few seconds of freefall that ended with the Autobot regaining his grip and a thin stream of Energon down his side from Kickback's panicked claws.

After what seemed like _vorns_ the top of the canyon came into view, and Kickback removed his claws from the mech's side, digging them into the cliff face instead and pulling his own aft the last few feet to freedom. He collapsed onto the ground less than a meter from the edge, first purging his intakes of the accumulated silt, before flopping over onto his back and staring up at the sky. It was still raining, the near-black clouds lit by the occasional lightning flash, and the flood continued to roar through the canyon beneath. He tilted his head slightly, catching sight of the Autobot in a similar position nearby.

For a while the only sound between them were their equally harsh ventilations. Kickback's arm hurt like the pit, and he knew that he was going to have to suffer through Hook's "tender ministrations" to have it repaired. His visor was nearly shattered, and he doubted there was any place on his frame that didn't have some sort of scrape or dent on it. The Autobot looked no better; one doorwing half torn off, front end dented, headlights cracked, one leg broken. To top off their pathetic appearance, both of them were covered helm to pede in a thick layer of ooze.

Kickback lifted one arm, watching the mud slowly drip off of it, plopping and squishing as it impacted with the mud already on the ground. One side of his lip curled up in disgust as the slimy, squelching muck and silt seeped into his joints and gears and mechanisms. He would have to bathe _forever _to ever think he might be clean again. He cleared his vocalizer with a growl.

"I hate mud."

He heard the Autobot chuckle weakly. Scowling, he gathered up a handful of the sludge and weakly lobbed it in his direction without bothering to sit up and aim.

The noise Smokescreen made as it hit him almost made him smile. Almost.

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Don't worry about Megatron and the other two Insecticons. They bailed out as soon as a Conehead warned them about the flood.


End file.
